We asked you to write to us about your experiences of bullying and especially what has worked to stop bullying.
Thank you!
First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to share their personal experiences with us. We are always out and about in schools ourselves, but we also hear a lot from you on this topic in the counselling sessions. Even though we know what happens in schools, we were very touched by your stories.
School is a place where it must be possible to be free of violence. There is a responsibility that we can all work on together. Each and every one of us can make a contribution. However, it is also up to the school itself to do something against bullying and also cyber-bullying!
What has helped?
You told us honestly what you tried and what helped more or less. Some of you also allowed us to use your solution strategies anonymously in the article.
Unfortunately, there is no strategy for bullying that works 100% of the time. It is always important to think about what could help best in your own situation and what you are most likely to do. The list of tips shows you what has already helped others:
TIP:
Confide in yourself
Many people have written that it is a relief when you finally dare to confide in someone. This should be a person you really trust. This can be parents, friends, teachers, siblings, etc. Most of the time, you can sense very clearly who such a person might be.
“I have talked about it with relatives and with people I get on well with. I opened up, but it took some time to get to that point.”
Our tip: If you confide in someone, be honest and say what you want them to do, but also what you don’t want them to do. After all, you know better than adults what’s going on at school. You are the experts! People don’t always believe you straight away. Don’t give up hope and keep telling people about it until someone believes you!
Self-confidence
Some have reported that the situation improved when they managed to show self-confidence or managed to “fake” self-confidence at first. The point is that the others do not feel one’s own fear or even hurt. You pretend that you don’t care. This can succeed in boring the “bullies”. Laughter can also help to improve the situation.
“Personally, I think it only helps if you don’t show any fear and try to walk straight, to look confident. Little things like that make a lot of difference.”
“I recommend just laughing. Even if it’s hard, but if you just pretend you think it’s funny and like they’re just saying the insults for fun.”
“I just pretended I didn’t care. I think that’s best too, because eventually they’ll get over it and stop.”
Our tip: If you don’t show others that they succeed in hurting you, this can lead to them simply losing interest at some point. In addition, you show others through your behaviour alone that you don’t or won’t let yourself be beaten down. For example, by a direct look in the eye, straight shoulders or a loud voice. Of course, this is not always easy, but you can practise it at home. For example, by imagining the person who always approaches you, practising a reaction and observing how you come across. Do you make yourself big or small? Do you speak softly and intimidated or loudly and clearly? In this way, step by step, you can gain more confidence in the actual situation.
Teachers
Some of you have turned to teachers for help. Many have also received help through this. For example, one person confided in us that although it was only better for a few weeks at first, she was able to turn to the teacher again afterwards. Some have also written that a teacher herself intervened immediately when she observed a bullying situation.
Unfortunately, there are also teachers and directorates who did nothing or too little to stop the bullying. Some have reported that the bullying also took place right in front of the teachers and it was not punished by the school.
“The teachers also often said something, but they couldn’t really enforce it either & with time they gave it up.”
In the case of serious bullying incidents, the support of the whole school (teachers and management) is definitely needed to prevent bullying at school or to stop it as quickly as possible.
Our tip: Most of the times you will feel which teacher you trust the most and who you trust to support you in this difficult situation. Listen to your feelings! If you are not taken seriously, make a protocol with an adult in which you list everything that has already happened. With this protocol, the adult can go to the school and ask for support. It is also important to say what you do not want to happen (e.g. to be talked about in front of the class).
Blueroom Care
We, as an anonymous counselling platform. We believe that we will help you and take you seriously, that we listen and encourage you.
Our tip: We are always there for you, whether via online counselling or in a chat. We know how much it hurts to be bullied by others. Together we will try to find an initial solution.
Your experiences
Even though your accounts are all anonymous, we will not go into detail about your experiences here. The incidents are too personal for that. The protection of your privacy and your anonymity are most important to us. We will only give examples of what you have experienced in the context of bullying:
Being excluded … “I was constantly made to feel uncomfortable by being excluded.”
Being called names … “Everyone suddenly found completely new things like, I don’t shave (not true at all), I am disturbed.”
Several ganging up on one … “But the worst thing was that he incited all the boys to join in.”
Physical violence … “I’ve been beaten, had stones thrown at me, been chased and excluded and I’ve been threatened to kill myself.”
Cyber bullying … “I was bullied over the internet. I was called a whore and that I was ugly and fat, even though the person had never seen me before.”
What didn’t help?
As I said, there is no ONE tip that always works or never works. We are summarizing your personal experiences here. The majority of you have mentioned the following that worked rather badly:
- Insult back.
This usually doesn’t help and may even intensify the bullying. “I would advise everyone not to do this, because they don’t care what their ”victim” says & because it could also make them even angrier.” It’s more helpful to try to counter with humour.
- Addressing “bullies” yourself
This too is usually not very effective and in the worst case can make the bullying even worse.
- Keep everything bottled up inside
If you try to take everything out on yourself, then at some point you will no longer be able to do so. Bullying can have a huge impact on your self-esteem. “I was fragile and not self-confident at all, I had self-doubt, my conscience gnawed at me. I almost became anorexic as a result.”
- Withdraw
Even though it’s difficult, it’s important to try to stay yourself. “I withdrew and became more and more unpopular as a result, not just with my bullies but with everyone. I was easy prey.”
- When teachers bring up problems in front of the whole class
You experience this as very unpleasant and, according to your stories; it has not helped you to improve. However, if teachers intervened directly in cases of bullying or talked to the “bullies” and subsequently set clear limits or consequences, teachers and also headmasters could contribute a lot to an improvement.
- Ignoring
Ignoring, in the sense of not doing anything at all, is not helpful. Ignoring can be more helpful if you do not show the other person any reaction to their actions. As bullying is unlikely to stop on its own, it is really important to get help.
“Nothing helped”
Some of you have told us that simply nothing has helped. We really want to encourage you not to give up if you are being bullied. You have a right to an environment free of violence! Keep fighting until you get support.
We are there for you to give you courage and to think about what could help you in your personal situation. We also advise your parents before talking to the school if they want to contact us.
Here you can find some general tips against bullying:
Bullying: Horror in the classroom
What to do against cyber-bullying?
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.