Are you being excluded or insulted in class? At what point is it bullying? What to do about bullying at school?
Mobbing – what is it?
Mobbing comes from the English word “to mob”, which means “to harass”. In concrete terms, bullying at school is understood to be disparaging and exclusionary actions that are systematically and permanently directed against individual pupils in a school class.
It is typical that individuals are insulted, bullied and above all isolated. Bullying can range from name-calling, refusal to talk (“I’m not talking to you”), ignoring to massive threats, beatings and blackmail.
The specific thing about bullying is that it is long-term and systematic. So a single argument, a one-off taunting or a single scuffle is not bullying. In bullying, the bully tries to make him/her great, to get attention and recognition by belittling others, excluding them, etc. In addition to the perpetrators of bullying and those affected, there are also people who look on, look away or play down bullying. This behavior also makes bullying possible.
The school must take active steps against bullying
Scientific studies show that bullying happens in almost every class and teachers only notice a small part of it. Bullying is more likely to occur where it is played down and not talked about. If bullying is talked about openly in school (especially by all teachers), then it is clear to everyone: “Bullying is not tolerated in this school. That’s why it’s also important to talk about bullying if you are affected or observe it.
It’s not your fault!
Many of those affected initially blame themselves. But: Bullying has nothing to do with your appearance! It can happen to anyone! Bullying has not only one, but many causes, which are mainly to be found in the perpetrators of bullying and the way the school deals with bullying.
“It’s just fun!”
When bullies are confronted, many say: “I was only joking!”
But bullying is definitely not fun! Bullying hurts people!
They feel bad, they may feel helpless, they may be afraid of the next day at school, and so on.
TIP:
Show that it is not fun
It doesn’t matter if you are affected by bullying yourself or if you observe it at school: Show clearly and unmistakably that it is not fun or that you do not feel well when the other(s) treat you like this.
What helps with bullying at school?
Resist and seek support
Many people who are bullied hope that the bullying will stop by itself after some time. Unfortunately, without doing something about it, this is usually not the case. Sometimes it can even get worse if there are physical attacks as well.
Some people endure bullying because they believe that if they fight back it will get worse. Most of the time, however, it is better to show that you don’t put up with everything; otherwise you make it easy for the perpetrators of bullying. Often, however, you can’t do it alone, especially if there are several of you, if the others are stronger or if you have no strength left because of the persistent bullying. Then it is important to get support!
Defending yourself against bullying can work in different ways, but it does not mean becoming physically violent – that would be going too far.
TIP:
Find allies in the class
If you are being bullied, you may feel that everyone in the class is against you. Often there are only one or a few people in the class who are actively bullying and many others who are watching or looking the other way. Maybe you already have one or more friends in the class. If not, you could think about with whom it might be possible to establish more contact. If there is a good contact or friendship with others in the class, you could agree to support each other in cases of bullying or exclusion. The more students in the class are willing to stand up against bullying, the harder it is for the attackers and excluders.
Observe and get tips
Sometimes you can “learn” good strategies against bullying from others! Observe closely for a while how other students behave when they are bullied or excluded. If you feel that someone else is good at dealing with these situations, you could try their way of dealing with it.
Maybe your friends, siblings or parents have also been bullied? Ask them how they dealt with it and what helped them!
Talk to the teacher
Talking to the teacher is a difficult issue for many students who are being bullied. Many fear that bullying will increase if the teacher talks about it to the students involved or in front of the whole class. There is no question that this is an unpleasant situation. Many also fear that if they go to a teacher for help, they will be called a ‘snitch’.
Tattletale: Don’t be afraid of being called a ‘snitch’. The others are afraid of being found out, so they will try anything to stop you from getting help. They know that they will get into trouble if you dare. When several people are against you, it has nothing to do with snitching – you just need support!
And if teachers confront pupils who are bullying, there is a chance that something will improve. The bullies realize that their behavior is not accepted, that they do not feel well because of their behavior, that there is a need for a different way of dealing with each other and so on. Sometimes this may not lead to a lasting improvement. Then it is necessary to inform the teacher again that the problem has not yet been solved.
Peer mediators
These are specially trained pupils (mostly from higher classes) who support other pupils at school in solving conflicts. Find out if this possibility exists at your school!
Parents
If you find it difficult to talk to a teacher, you can ask your parents to do it. This can also help if you feel that the teacher is not doing much. And if the teacher still can’t stop the bullying, parents can also ask the headmaster or the parents’ association to do more against bullying at school.
Bullying diary
In a bullying diary you can write down what happened when, who said or did what and who all saw it. Such a diary can help you, for example, when you ask someone for support. Then it might be easier for you to tell everything. If you want, you can also write down the good things you experience at school so that you don’t have the feeling that everything is bad when you read through it.
Protect yourself!
Sometimes you have days when everything is too much for you and you don’t feel like having any more arguments. Then you could think about how to protect yourself from further attacks or arguments. At school, for example, you could stay near a teacher who is in charge of the gang during the break. Then the others probably won’t dare to attack you. If bullying is more likely to happen on the way to school, maybe a friend could accompany you or you could take a different route to school. This alone will probably not stop the bullying permanently, but it can bring short-term relief.
Counter verbally
We all know these situations: We are provoked and want to say something back, but we can’t think of anything appropriate at the moment. Annoying! But “repartee” in conversation can be learned and trained!
For example, someone says to you: “You stink! Answer: “Yes, you’re right! Today I used the scent you always use. It’s really not that great!”
You can find many ideas for quick-witted answers in books. For example, for provocations at school: “Schlagfertig auf dem Schulhof” by Matthias Pöhm, Moderne Verlagsgesellschaft MvG.
You can find more on the topic of “Verbal countering” here:
Verbal countering has to be learned
TIP:
“Trick 17
Here’s a little trick that might help you avoid being teased. If others tease you, imagine that at that moment their trousers slip down and they are standing there in their pants or that a rotten pizza falls into their face. You might have to smile for a moment at that image and then you’ve already won. The teasing can’t hit you so hard any more.
Does a change of school help?
If you are being bullied, you should think twice about changing schools. It may not be easy to make friends in a new class because groups have already formed there. In that case, you could be well received by the new pupils if you approach them very actively.
You might also be very vulnerable because of the bullying you have experienced for a long time. Then there is a danger that you will perceive small everyday conflicts in the new class more strongly and bigger because of your previous experiences and react more sensitively to them. This in turn can lead to problems.
Often it is good to first try everything possible in the existing class to make the bullying stop. If this is not possible in the long run, a change of school can also prevent one from perishing.
What if the bullying continues online?
Find out what cyber bullying is and how you can defend yourself here!
You can find about bullying experiences and ideas on what helps against bullying.
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.