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On the internet, you get to know new people across local borders. Unfortunately, you never know exactly who is really behind the nicknames. Some deliberately conceal their identity. Read up on how to test who is really behind them.
Friendships are made offline, but they are also made online. People gamble online with people they don’t know or get to know each other through social networks. In this way, friendships also develop across national borders. However, you don’t always actually have to do with the people as they pretend to be. Criminals also play around on the net and try to get contacts there.
When adults try to contact children and young people with the aim of sexually harassing them on the internet, this is called cyber-grooming. In our experience, groomers always act more inconspicuously. This video from Europol, which is based on real cases, shows what such contact can look like.
Cyber Grooming – What is it?
Grooming is the initiation of sexual contact by adults with children and young people. If this approach happens via digital media, i.e. in social networks, chat rooms, messengers such as WhatsApp or in game networks, it is called cyber-grooming. In concrete terms, this means that adults usually pretend to be teenagers or young adults and thus try to gain their trust. Their intention behind this is often sexual harassment.
Many think that one has to be particularly naive to fall for grooming. However, the cases show that the perpetrators are very clever. Some really invest a lot of time in this initiation and often behave completely inconspicuously for the victims for months. It is very easy to fall into their trap, even if you are careful. But don’t worry, if you stick to a few basic rules, you can continue to contact others on the net without worrying.
Grooming and the law
Grooming and cyber-grooming have been punishable in Nigeria since 2015. Section 23 of the Nigeria cybercrime act 2015 (prohibition, prevention, etc.) prohibits cyber-grooming, but also contact with sexual intentions alone in real life with “minor” or persons under 18 years of age.
If you are affected by cyber-grooming yourself, you also have the possibility to file a complaint. Perpetrators must expect to be punished.
Where does it happen?
In principle, cyber-grooming can happen anywhere where you have contact via digital media with people you don’t know from offline life. This means social networks such as Facebook and Instagram, chats, forums, messengers such as WhatsApp, game sites, game networks, etc.
Cyber-grooming in online games
In online games, you can play together with people from all over the world. Cool thing. Nastily, this is exactly what grooming perpetrators take advantage of.
How do perpetrators behave in online games?
The same way as any other player. Most of the time they are even very high in the ranking. It can be noticeable that they are particularly good at the game and also behave nicely and understandingly when parents forbid gambling or do not allow certain games. In terms of age, they often pretend to be close to adulthood, i.e. between 18 and 30 years old. They hardly ever ask direct questions that could expose them. Only when it comes to a meeting does harassment occur. If you stick to clear rules when meeting internet acquaintances, especially when it comes to gambling together, you can minimize this risk a lot!
- Arrange meeting points only in public places where other people are permanently employed, e.g. in a café/restaurant you know, a large cinema complex, a large shopping Centre or similar. If something goes wrong, you can ask other people for help. Never meet in a lonely place or at the person’s home.
- Tell someone about the meeting, friends, and your parents. It is best to make arrangements to call from the meeting to say that everything is okay. Or have your parents or a friend call you during the meeting to ask if everything is OK. Especially if you have understanding and supportive parents, they may be able to be present a few tables away and then leave quietly when it is clear that everything is fine.
Possible detection features
In order to recognise cyber-grooming, it is important to be vigilant in order to quickly recognise possible “false identities”. Watch out for possible “conspicuous behavior”.
TIP:
Recognizing grooming
We have collected what was most likely to be conspicuous in the Chats when it came to grooming. It is worth being suspicious if:
- Someone makes a conspicuous number of compliments, virtually sliming you.
- You have only known someone for a short time and he/she acts as if you have been friends for years.
- Someone takes an interest in your offline environment, such as your sports club, very soon after you meet. They can then find out a lot of information about you through the website. Sometimes they will also ask very directly for your phone number, real name, address or school, etc. Also pay attention to what you share with friends on apps like Snapchat or WhatsApp. Because if you share your location there, they don’t even need to ask where you are.
- Someone asks if you are alone on your mobile phone or sitting in front of your PC/laptop. This is usually because the chatter is afraid of being exposed if someone else is reading.
- Someone wants to know in detail about your appearance and is not afraid of intimate questions (e.g. do you already have your period, have you already had your first ejaculation).
- Someone wants you to talk about the chat contact with no one else.
- Someone tries to lure you with gifts or offers (e.g. to become a model). Nothing is free on the internet either, and serious model agencies do not cast on the internet.
- Someone very soon asks if you have a webcam.
- Someone asks for nude photos. Girls and boys are always tempted by compliments.
- Someone writes that he/she is thrilled that you are so young and that he/she especially appreciates young people, feels best understood by young people, …
- Someone keeps bringing up sexual topics and wants to know what experience you have already had.
- Is supposedly youthful but does not use common youth language.
- Someone is not familiar with specific youth topics, e.g. does not know popular music bands.
- If someone is particularly interested in your problems and interests, particularly understands. This is how people try to build up trust in order to exploit it.
Many people contact us who have had negative experiences with internet acquaintances and would never have expected it themselves. As long as you are careful and respect your privacy, there is nothing to stop you chatting with someone you don’t know from offline life. If you particularly like someone online, just try to find out if the person behind the profile is real.
Don’t be fooled
To find out who is really behind a profile, the following tricks can help you:
TIP:
- Especially in social networks, you can check if there are photos of friends of the person in question on which he/she is tagged. The probability that the fake profile and photos is then smaller.
- You should generally be very skeptical about profiles without any photos at all.
- When it comes to sending each other a photo, don’t be satisfied with a normal photo, but ask for a very special photo that you don’t just have of yourself at home, but have to make specially. For example, with a cucumber on your head or with a sheet of paper next to your head that says #I’mReally. By the way, we got this tip from a young person who has been doing this for a long time and has had very good experiences with it! The point is to ask for a photo or even a video that people don’t have prepared at home. Use your creativity. If you receive the requested photo or video within a few minutes, the probability is already quite high that it is actually the person who is also shown on the profile. If you receive the photo only after a longer period of time, it is completely worthless, as Photoshop and the like could have been used to trick you long ago.
- If the other person has a webcam, you can also ask them to take a recent photo of themselves, i.e. directly in front of the screen.
- When talking on the phone, you can find out from the voice whether the age given is correct. However, you should rather get the number of the other person and then call yourself without sending your number! Again, always call or video call spontaneously. Because when it is arranged, groomers can again ask other people to pick up the phone.
- Questions from the current music scene can help to find out if the age given is correct. This also applies to information about current fashion trends or words that are predominantly used by young people.
Falling into the trap
If you have revealed more about yourself than you actually wanted to or got into some other stupid situation, contact us sooner rather than later. The sooner you get support, the sooner something can be done. We certainly won’t reproach you, but will work with you to find the best way to solve the situation!
Important! It is always the person who seeks contact who is to blame.
By the way, there are many reasons why it is worth being a little suspicious. Can you find out what happens in this video?
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.