If parents get divorced, they usually also move apart. The decision about who you want to live with is often not an easy one to make.
A difficult decision
Many young people find it difficult to decide whether they want to live with their mother or father when their parents’ divorce. They do not want to offend either of them and do not want to miss either parent.
At this point it is advisable to talk to the parents and discuss the situation with them.
TIP:
Decision-making tools
- A quiet place where you feel comfortable creates the conditions for dealing with the issue.
- The future place of residence should be taken into consideration. Is one of your parents moving to a different part of town or a place from where it would be difficult for you to reach friends or the school, or would you even have to change schools?
- Would this bring advantages and be exciting, or would you miss the old neighbourhood and friends?
- If the parents will both live near friends and school, perhaps one will stay in the previous flat or house. Is this full of fond memories and you are attached to your room? Or would you rather not be reminded too much of the past, but try something new?
- Have the siblings already decided? If so, you can also include their decision in your considerations and think about whether you would like to live with them.
- It is also worth considering which parent will have more time. If one of them has to work very long hours every day or often goes on business trips, you might be home alone a lot. You would have to do your homework on your own or cook for yourself.
- Since both parents often have to work more after a divorce, you should clarify these facts with them before making a decision.
How to tell your parents
Talk to both parents about the decision. It is up to you to decide whether to do it individually or together.
In the conversation, you can tell them that you like them both equally and that the decision was therefore difficult for you.
You should also tell them that the decision has nothing to do with your preference for one parent. Tell them the objective reasons for the decision.
Child custody
The child custody after divorce in Nigeria is usually vested on the best interest of the child
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.