Arguments between parents happen from time to time. However, it becomes particularly unpleasant when the parents’ quarrelling doesn’t stop.
Arguing does not have to be a disaster
If your parents argue from time to time, you don’t have to worry yet. Arguments happen in every relationship and can also have a positive effect. You’ve probably had arguments with friends or your parents and made up with them afterwards. Often you only tell each other what’s bothering you when you’re arguing. And then everyone can get along peacefully again.
There is only arguing between the parents
If, however, all your parents do is argue, then it is only too understandable that this also puts a strain on you or even frightens you.
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This is how you can help yourself
- Don’t stay alone with your worries and fears. Clarify the situation.
- Dare to tell your parents that you are noticing all the arguments. Tell them how you feel about it and how it makes you feel.
- Just ask them what you want to know. Why they are fighting, if you have to worry, if there will be consequences. Speak openly about what is on your mind.
- You can tell them that you also want to know how their relationship is going. After all, it affects you too.
Pay attention to the situation
Choose a quiet moment for the conversation. Don’t talk to your parents when they are arguing. This is because they are full of emotions and can quickly react harshly.
If your parents behave unfairly towards you or even drag you into the argument, then defend yourself.
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Do not get involved
- Make it clear to your parents that it is not okay for them to take out their anger on you.
- Explain to them that it is unpleasant when your mother talks badly about your father, or vice versa.
- Tell them that you love them both and that you will stay out of it. And they should do the same.
Fear of divorce
If you hear your parents say something in an argument that scares you, find out straight away how seriously they really meant it. Because in an argument, people often say things that they don’t really mean, and the next moment they feel very sorry for them. For example, the word divorce is often used, even though it was perhaps not planned that way at all. Ask right away and don’t torment yourself alone with your fears.
When parents mention the word “divorce”, it can also be quite a challenge for the children. Here you can find information and tips on this topic.
If a conversation is not possible
If you can’t talk to your parents at all, you can send them a letter or an e-mail. Or you can ask someone you can trust to talk to your parents. Sort of like a mediator.
If you want to know more about this topic or if you are affected by it yourself and want to talk, then call!
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.