All your friends already have a partner, but not you? That can be a real pain! Find out why you usually fall in love when you least expect it and why it’s important to stay relaxed!
I would love to have a boyfriend!
Many singles long for a partner. Sometimes this desire is particularly strong. Mostly when you feel lonely or when everyone else in your circle of friends is in a relationship. But it seems to be like a jinx. Because just when you want a boyfriend/girlfriend so much, somehow it just doesn’t work out! Why is that? We can’t answer that exactly either, but we’d like to try.
What is “love” anyway?
Falling in love or being in love is not a conscious decision. That means you can’t just decide: “Well, I’m in love now”. You simply can’t. Maybe you can talk yourself into it for a short time, but you can’t conjure up the feelings that go with it. Why we fall in love is still not exactly clear, and there is just as little that can be done about it or for it.
The danger of a too “tense” search for love
You want to fall in love so much and would do anything to finally have a relationship, but it just doesn’t work out? Does this sound familiar? Then you might already be in the middle of the vicious circle that many singles sometimes find themselves in:
If you concentrate so much on something, it can happen that you seem very tense and unnatural. Often you also overwhelm new acquaintances because the natural process of getting to know someone is disturbed. Normally, we get to know someone and don’t think much of it at first – maybe just “he’s nice” or “she seems likeable”.
But if we are on a “partner search extreme”, so to speak, these natural first impressions are overlaid by thoughts such as: “Does he/she have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”, “Do we fit together?”, “What can I do to make him/her fall in love with me right away? Even before the other person has a chance to ask our name, we are already thinking about when we will introduce him/her to our parents.
Honestly, even if you don’t say it out loud, the other person will know what’s going on inside you. And even if he/she would actually be interested in you, he/she may be overwhelmed or even put off by this situation.
Why do you fall in love when you least expect it?
You may have noticed that many couples say that they met by chance. Usually in a place or at a time when they would not have expected to meet the “dream woman” or the “dream man”! Coincidence?
Maybe so! But maybe it is also because they were quite open and relaxed and simply “themselves” in these situations. Maybe they were just out with friends/girlfriends and felt particularly comfortable, or they were shopping alone and their mind was on the next book they wanted to read. In such situations we appear natural. And naturalness and openness have a sympathetic effect on most people and make them attractive!
How can I not want it when I really want it so badly?!
Perhaps you have found yourself in some of the descriptions while reading and now find yourself in a real “quandary”. Because just as you can’t fall in love at the push of a button, you can’t suddenly be relaxed and natural at the push of a button either! But don’t worry, we can give you some tips:
TIP:
Alternative dating tips
- Think about what things, apart from a relationship, could make your life more beautiful!
- Focus less on finding a partner and more on your hobbies and the things that do you good!
- When you go out, make sure you go where you have fun and don’t just choose places based on whether they are “good places to meet people”.
- Try to leave self-doubt behind and start to like yourself!
- Try to accept that love cannot be forced.
Striking a balance
It’s certainly not easy to find the balance between “not wanting too much” and “staying open”. After all, just locking yourself up at home and waiting for your dream partner to knock on the door is certainly no more helpful than hopping from one singles party to the next! Often such behavior, regardless of which of the two extremes we take, is a sign that we are not entirely satisfied with our lives. It would be a fallacy to think that with a partner all problems would suddenly be solved! You have to work at it yourself. Accepting this and learning not to make your happiness dependent on a partner are the best prerequisites for falling in love!
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.