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The parents are against the boyfriend? They say you are too young or forbid a relationship at all?
What is behind the ban?
Reasons why parents don’t want you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend can be very different. To be able to argue and do something about the ban, you need to know what is behind it. Tell your parents that you at least want to know why you shouldn’t have a relationship or what exactly they have against your crush. Only then can you look for counter-arguments to change your parents’ minds.
Multiple reasons
It makes a difference whether your parents generally don’t want you to have a relationship or whether they have something specific against your chosen crush. For both situations, we have listed some reasons and possible solutions for you:
Reasons for a general ban on relationships
- Fears
Your parents’ fears are often behind the ban. Parents are often worried that you will sleep with someone early and without thinking and that this could lead to an unwanted pregnancy. If it is too early for you to have sex, then dare to do so and tell your parents honestly. If you have already thought about contraception, tell your parents about it. When they see how responsibly you are dealing with the issue, they might change their mind about the prohibition of relationships.
- Cultural reasons
If your parents are generally against a relationship for cultural or religious reasons, it is very difficult to argue. If you already have someone in mind, you could ask their parents to talk to yours. Parents often find it much harder to sustain their arguments with other adults. Especially in cultures that value hospitality, you might have a good chance. Otherwise, you could try asking other adults from the same culture who are not so strict to put in a good word for you with your parents.
- School
Parents are sometimes afraid that you won’t do anything for school if you are in a relationship. In this case, you could suggest to your parents that you only meet your boyfriend/girlfriend when you have done everything for school. Or you could ask them to take a leap of faith. As long as your school grades stay the same, you are allowed to have a boyfriend; if your school grades actually get worse, you meet your boyfriend less. However, your compromise proposals have to be honest and you have to prove to your parents that you are serious.
Relationship yes, but not with the…
If your parents don’t like your crush, then think about whether they even know him/her personally. If not, ask them to meet him/her. Even if it’s a bit awkward for you to introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend straight away, if you get to do more, it’s worth going through a few awkward minutes. And maybe they will change their mind. Ask your parents what they have against your crush. You might be able to clear up a prejudice very quickly. Usually your parents care about your feelings if you are honest about them. Tell your parents honestly what you like about your crush and how sad it makes you that your parents don’t like him/her.
TIP:
How can I tell my parents that I have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
A good way to gently tell your parents that you are in love for the first time is the following: Tell your mum/dad that you are totally happy at the moment and are dying to tell him/her why you are so happy. Then you tell him/her that you’ve fallen in love and that you’re lucky enough that your crush likes you too. What parents are going to rant and rave? We hope yours are happy with you!
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.