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Parenting styles play a major role in shaping a child’s mental health, emotional development, and future relationships. There is a saying that Nigerian children hear quite often when they are growing up: “I did not come to make friends with you. I came to be your parent.”
It is uttered out of love most of the time, but there is also a philosophy behind this practice that will determine, silently yet decisively, a person’s self-perception, relationships with other people, and emotional regulation throughout his/her entire life.
Parenting styles are not only related to discipline. They represent one of the strongest predictors of an individual’s future mental state of well-being. Back in the 1960s, American developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind determined three different types of parental practices by observing children and parents. Researchers have since added one more type. It is enough to explain why adults have such problems in their lives.
What Are the Four Parenting Styles?
Each parenting style falls along two scales; that is, from being emotionally warm or cold, and from being either permissive or strict. The two combine in such a way that creates four styles of parenting.
Authoritative Parenting
The authoritative parents have high standards for their children, clearly defined boundaries, and impose consequences for violating them, all of which is done with a lot of understanding and explanation. Rules are clearly established and explained, and so are the consequences. Discussions can take place, and feelings are understood and recognized.
The kids brought up this way tend to have good self-esteem, be emotionally strong, and cope with failures well. They usually become people able to communicate about their needs, build secure relationships, and regulate emotions effectively. Research consistently identifies authoritative parenting as the style most associated with positive mental health outcomes.
Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is a parenting approach that involves high levels of control and minimal emotional warmth. Rules are very strict, obedience is expected, and any form of questioning of authority is not encouraged. “Because I said so” is the standard response. Expression of emotions, especially negative ones such as sadness, anger, or disagreement is often either ridiculed or met with punishment.
This is the type of parenting that Nigerians know best due to the cultural emphasis on values such as respect and discipline. But while the goal may be to rear responsible and hardworking children, research on psychology reveals something different.
Children brought up through authoritarianism tend to become anxious, lack self-respect, and have challenges in making their own decisions. They learn how to suppress their emotions instead of processing them, thereby growing into adults who cannot express their feelings, make demands from people, or even set boundaries.
A Nigerian study on adolescents showed that authoritarian parenting was one of the predictors of psychological distress among adolescents, not because of the lessened love of the Nigerian parents, but as a message of control over connection.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents are loving and responsive but do not provide much structure for the children. They tend to avoid conflicts and have difficulty setting limits for the children; they prefer to be liked rather than consistent. The wishes of the children often prevail over the authority of the parents.
Children raised in permissive families receive plenty of love but lack the skills to control themselves and behave appropriately in environments where discipline is required. They are often rebellious against authority, entitled in their relationships, and have difficulties postponing satisfaction; all this is related to the psychology of adulthood.
Uninvolved Parenting
The uninvolved or the neglectful parenting style is one that involves little or no warmth and little or no structure. The parent takes care of the physical needs of the child, yet emotionally remains detached and aloof.
This parenting style is associated with the worst consequences for children. When raised without any emotional interaction with the caregiver, the child experiences immense problems with self-respect, attachment, and trust.
Can Parenting Styles Change?
Yes. Parenting styles are learned behaviors, which means they can change over time. Parents can develop healthier communication, emotional responsiveness, and consistent boundaries through self-awareness, education, and professional support. Even adults who grew up with unhealthy parenting styles can heal and build healthier relationships through therapy.
Why Parenting Styles Matter for Adults Too
If reading this and identifying with any of the above descriptions of your childhood experience rings a bell for you, then that bell must ring for some reason. Many of the issues that adults struggle with today; people pleasing, inability to express anger, fear of abandonment, inability to set boundaries, self-doubt, might have a foundation in the parenting environment they were brought up in.
The good thing is that it is not about pointing fingers at your parents because many Nigerian parents have just grown up in an environment where the only way of bringing up kids was the way they did it, leaving them little choice but doing things their own way. It is about understanding yourself better and getting the right help to correct past mistakes.
Therapy with Blueroomcare will help you understand how your childhood experiences have influenced your emotional behavior patterns, help you gain self-awareness that you need to change them, and learn healthy relationship skills for yourself and others.
- Need support? Start your care journey by booking a confidential therapy session and accessing daily journaling and wellness check-ins through the Blueroomcare App.
- Looking for more guidance? Explore our blog for more mental health tips.
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