Blueroomcare
Many young people who are expecting a child wonder how they can tell their parents. Here are some tips and ideas for the conversation.
If a pregnancy is planned and long hoped for, it is usually joyful news that people are happy to share and tell their parents. Many wait a few weeks before telling friends and family so as not to cause premature jubilation.
If the pregnancy is unexpected or if you know that your parents might not be so excited about it, some find it difficult to break the news.
Should I tell?
Again and again, young people ask us if and how they should tell their parents that they are expecting a child. Often they are not yet of age, live at home, have no fixed partner or are in the middle of their education. This can trigger all kinds of different feelings and then there is also the question of how the parents will react.
Some girls first want to find out for themselves whether they want to have the child or whether alternatives such as abortion, adoption or foster care are possible before they talk to the parents. Others involve their parents right away. Sometimes other trusted family members or friends can be the first point of contact. They may also be able to be present when you tell the parents.
You can’t really hide your pregnancy for a long time. Pregnancy usually raises a lot of questions and feelings. Facing these can be unpleasant at times. Nevertheless, it is important to deal with it because decisions, examinations, etc. are coming up.
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In the long run, it can be even more stressful to have to hide your pregnancy from your parents. If your parents have supported you most of the time in the past, they will probably do the same with a pregnancy.
From time to time, girls come to us who are sure that there will be big problems with their parents because of the pregnancy, e.g. because their parents have always threatened to exclude them from the family. For some of these girls, it is therefore out of the question to tell their parents and they think of terminating the pregnancy. In principle, you can decide on an abortion yourself from the age of 14. But even in such a difficult situation with your parents, there are usually several options and many institutions that can offer you help and support.
What will my parents do?
It is difficult to predict how your parents will react. Some of them will be happy to have a grandchild, despite the possible difficult circumstances, but some will be shocked at first and may even say things that hurt you or that they are sorry for afterwards. Often this has to do with the fact that they had a different idea of how your life could turn out. Maybe they fear that you will have a harder time because of your early pregnancy. There may be accusations and questions. But often they realize after a while that this does not change the situation and they become counselors and support you and help you find a way.
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You probably needed some time to get used to the news of being pregnant. This is usually the case for your parents too – try to give them time to process the information that they are going to become grandparents. You can also think about how your parents have reacted to difficult situations so far, and how you have coped with them. This way you can prepare yourself for their reaction.
Before you talk to your parents
Check with a pregnancy test or gynecologist to see if you are really pregnant. Suspicions or late periods do not necessarily mean that you are expecting a baby.
Preparing
Before you talk to your parents about your pregnancy, think about how you feel about it and what the future holds for you. Here are some things you can think about in advance to show your parents that you are dealing with the situation responsibly, that you have thought about it and that you have informed yourself.
To show your parents that you need their support, you can start the conversation by saying that you are in a situation where you really need them and asking them to be there for you.
You may also find it easier to talk to your parents if your partner, a friend or another trusted person is present.
Consider:
- Whether you are already sure that you want to have and keep the child or still need additional information or advice to make a decision.
- How you could reconcile your education and the child.
- How you envisage the future (financially, professionally, housing-wise).
- Who could support you if you can’t be there for your child.
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Don’t assume that your parents will support you, but let them offer their help themselves. Therefore, think about whom – apart from your parents – could support you.
Pregnant partner
If your girlfriend is pregnant and you have decided to have the baby, it is probably important for you to talk to your parents about this decision. In this case, too, it is certainly an advantage if you prepare for the conversation as described above.
Complete incomprehension and rejection
If your parents react with incomprehension and rejection, or if you are really afraid to talk to them about your pregnancy, you may need other support. We can discuss with you in our counseling channels what might help you.
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What your parents are not allowed to do
From the age of 18 you are generally considered to be of sexual age – this means that you can decide for yourself whether you want to have sex and with whom you want to have sex – your parents cannot forbid you or tell you who you can have sex with.
If you are pregnant, it is your decision whether you want to have the child or not. Your parents are not allowed to force you to terminate the pregnancy!
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.