Reconciliation, but how?

Sometimes reconciliation is not that easy. Here are some tips for reconciliation!

A dispute arises quickly, sometimes you know that you don’t want to have anything more to do with the person you’re arguing with, and often everything is cleared up by itself. But sometimes you part ways in a quarrel, even though the person you’re fighting with means a lot to you. But how can you find your way back to each other?

You want to reconcile, but you don’t really know how. Many people feel that way. But the point of view is quite different.

One possibility is that you are disappointed in someone after a quarrel.

Another situation is when you feel you have gone too far in an argument and made a mistake.

Or one word leads to another and you no longer know why you started arguing in the first place.

When arguing, there is never only one person “to blame”. Everyone contributes a part. In reconciliation it is always important to recognise your contribution to the quarrel and to address it honestly.

Reconciliation, but how?

There is no manual for reconciliation that works in every case. You can only try and see how the other person reacts. We have put together a few approaches to reconciliation for you to use as a guideline and which can give you ideas for your personal situation. The more personal an attempt at reconciliation is, the more likely it is to succeed.

Why is reconciliation so difficult?

Reconciliation is something that many people find difficult. Reconciliation involves a number of different areas. For example, it is often a matter of forgiving someone in order to make reconciliation possible at all, and this takes time and also willingness. Pride can also get in the way of reconciliation. If you have the feeling that you have done something wrong, admitting mistakes also plays a role in reconciliation. This is something that many people find very difficult. And these are just a few aspects of why many of us do not find reconciliation easy at all.

TIP — Reconciliation tips

Apology

First of all, it is always important to think about what you yourself have contributed to an argument. After all, everyone contributes something to an argument. A first step towards reconciliation is to summon up all your courage and apologise honestly. It is often not enough to simply say “sorry”. It is better if you also state exactly what you are sorry for. E.g. I’m sorry that I freaked out like that,….

Showing your feelings

If you want to make up with someone, you should say so directly. Tell the person you want to reconcile with how important he or she is to you and that it would be a shame if you continued to be at odds with each other. You can emphasise this by sending a photo of the two of you together, for example, or by bringing it in person. Photos that show how much fun you have had together are great.

Memory

Reminiscing about “good times” with the person you have fallen out with can also make reconciliation easier. For example, write a letter in which you write down everything you have been through, experienced or done together. This may help your partner to remember these times and to get in touch with you again.

Honesty

When reconciling, it is always important to be honest. It doesn’t matter if you apologise or if you think someone else should apologise. Then you should say so honestly. Because anything you mean exactly as you say it comes across as credible and is more likely to lead to success.

These were just a few suggestions for reconciliation. Be brave and just say what you think and wish. Good luck with reconciliation.

For further help and support  — Speak with a licensed therapist today.