Blueroomcare
What is sexual abuse? What can the consequences be and what laws are there on the subject?
What is sexual abuse?
Sexual abuse is when an adult or older adolescent is in contact with a child for sexual arousal or gratification.
Sexual abuse…
- Sexual boundaries are crossed
This begins, for example, with looks that feel strange or seemingly random touching and goes as far as sexual acts or rape.
- Superiority is exploited
E.g. the adult threatens, is violent or justifies his or her sexual assaults with false explanations.
- A relationship of trust is abused
The perpetrators are usually people the child knows well and trusts, e.g. parents, grandparents, older siblings, relatives, neighbours, doctors… This blurs the boundaries between “good” and “bad” or between “nice” and “not nice” for the child during sexual assaults. The relationship of trust makes it difficult for the child to perceive the abusive acts and persons as such.
Talk about your feelings
Adults who sexually abuse a child usually try to present their actions as “normal” by giving false information or explanations. As a child, you cannot distinguish whether the explanations are right or wrong. However, some actions may make you feel strange.
Find someone you trust and talk to them if you have a strange feeling. You should always be allowed to talk about feelings – especially when it comes to your body. Be especially suspicious if an adult or older teenager asks you to keep a secret. If a secret makes you feel bad, scared or confused, it is especially important to talk about it.
You can also talk or write to us about it confidentially and anonymously. Please feel free to contact our counselling services!
Who are the perpetrators?
Most perpetrators are male (approx. 85%), a small number are also women. About every third perpetrator are under 18. They are usually people the child already knows, e.g. from the family or acquaintances. They do not have any abnormalities and come from all social classes. It is not possible to predict from the outside, based on certain characteristics that these people will become perpetrators. Sexual abuse is almost always planned and prepared and does not happen by chance.
What are the consequences of sexual abuse?
The consequences can vary from person to person. Some victims are able to overcome the assault; others may suffer from the consequences of the abuse for many years. Sexual abuse can lead to different behavioural problems in children, but there are no specific symptoms by which one can clearly recognise whether abuse has taken place. Everyone deals with it differently. For example, one child may do worse in school because he or she cannot concentrate well because of the abuse. Another child may do better at school because they feel safe there.
Perpetrators often use threats, violence or false explanations. This can lead to strong fears, confusion or a feeling of helplessness. Many find it difficult to seek help because they fear negative consequences for themselves or others.
TIP:
- Don’t let yourself believe that no one will believe you.
- Don’t let them tell you that you are “partly to blame” for sexual acts.
- Don’t let them tell you that you are to blame for the consequences if you seek help.
None of this is true. These are just false explanations used by the sexually assaulted person to keep him/her from being found out! It is always the older person who crossed the sexual boundaries who is to blame.
Traumatisation through sexual violence
Experiencing sexual violence can also lead to traumatisation. Traumatisation is when an event is so stressful and threatening that it cannot be psychologically processed. One’s own coping abilities are overwhelmed. Signs of traumatisation can appear soon after a sexual assault or only after a longer period of time.
You can find out how trauma can manifest itself here:
Effects on sexuality
Experienced sexual violence can also have an impact on relationships. For example, you may have a partner you really like and still find it difficult to get close. It may also be during such close moments that feelings or memories of the threatening situation of the assault arise. It is understandable that it takes time to come to terms with the experience of sexual violence and the violation of boundaries, or if it is an issue, to “decouple” the situation here and now from the situation there and then. Professional support on site can be very helpful. If you need information about local offers, please contact us at the counselling centre.
Here you can find out what help is available for those affected by sexual abuse: