Are you desperate because you might seem shy to others? Here you can learn how you can benefit from your shyness.
Shyness – what is it?
Shyness is a behavioral attribution for people who are considered shy, reserved, fearful or even inhibited. Sometimes shyness is a protection against being offended or hurt. Shyness manifests itself in various symptoms such as blushing, palpitations, sweating, not trusting oneself, constant introspection and fear of embarrassment, ridicule or failure. Shyness is a personality trait. Scientists assume that it is partly acquired from experience, but can also be partly inherited.
So enough theory: in practice, shyness feels something like this: You don’t even dare to speak your mind in your clique, giving a paper in front of the class is pure torture, even addressing your black is unthinkable. Shyness can show itself in many situations.
Shy – is that bad?
Some are shy, some are not. Some are more, others less shy. Just as people are very different in all their personality traits, they are the same with shyness. Many put the stamp “undesirable” on shyness. But being shy doesn’t have to be bad. If you are shy, maybe that’s what makes you special. Observe girls at a party who are particularly self-confident. You will probably notice that some of them play “the shy one” with boys. Why? Because shyness is seen by many as very likeable, pleasant and sweet. So don’t beat yourself up about your fate, accept yourself as you are and see how you can use your shyness!
Shyness and puberty
Especially during puberty, the time when you develop from a child into a man or a woman, many people are particularly shy. During this time you change completely. First of all, you have to come to terms with yourself until you can approach others again in an unbiased way. Shyness helps you to distinguish yourself from others in this phase of life.
Be shy and still not be overlooked!
Shyness can often be an advantage, but sometimes it can also mean that you don’t get what you want. To make sure it doesn’t come to that; we have some tips for you here:
TIP:
Accept yourself as you are!
Your shyness is not a bad thing; it is part of you, just like all your other personality traits that make you unique. As long as it doesn’t prevent you from achieving your goals, everything is fine.
Play it safe!
If you feel particularly insecure in a situation, first get an overview. The more familiar you are with the situation, the more confident you will become.
Z. For example, you don’t dare talk to your crush. Observe him or her from a distance. This way you can see how he reacts to others. Maybe you even dare to say hello to him/her. Pay close attention to the reaction. If it is positive, you might dare to go one step further…
You can also gain confidence by replaying situations that scare you in your head and making contingency plans. For example, you talk to your crush and he/she reacts totally stupidly. A contingency plan could be: You say: “If I had known how childish you still are, I would never have approached you anyway.” You will see that just making up a contingency plan will make you more confident in the situation.
Practice in less uncomfortable situations. For example, you are afraid to speak up in front of your friends. Practice with your parents. Tell them what you think. If you can already do this quite well, then see if you can also do it with your friends.
Different point of view!
Shy people often think that others don’t like them because of their insecurity. Think about what you think about someone who blushes or stutters with nervousness. You’ll probably find that you don’t think the person is awful, but that you understand or maybe even like them. And that’s how others feel about you too!
Admit your shyness!
Are your knees shaking, do you feel like you can’t get a word out? When you say something, you realize that only nonsense comes out… Have the courage to say what’s wrong with you, preferably with a smile on your face. E.g. “I can’t get a sensible word out at the moment, I’m terribly excited, and I think I’m going crazy …” You will see that this usually goes down very well. You can also say at the beginning of a presentation that you are really nervous and hope that you will still be able to get straight sentences out. This makes you more likeable and at the same time more confident.
Things are often different than they seem!
Shy people in particular often have the feeling that they are constantly being watched and judged by others. You enter the class or the party room and have the feeling that all eyes are on you. Take a closer look and you’ll see it’s not what you feared. Also, why don’t you turn the tables? Observe the others. Talk to those who are standing alone. Or smile back when someone smiles at you.
Your moment is coming too!
Others are louder, faster and more conspicuous than you. This does not have to be a disadvantage for you. Most of the time, the self-dramatization doesn’t last very long and then your chance comes. Until then, you have time to think about what you could say, how you could react and then you can really score points.
These were some tips. Maybe they will help you. Problems with shyness are often very specific. If you want to talk about your own individual problems with shyness, then call us.
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.