What if the parents don’t allow a sleepover at a friend’s house? What arguments could help to convince the parents? Read more!
At some point, the time will come. It’s not just a crush, but a longer relationship. You want nothing more than to spend a lot of time together. And that includes at night. You dream of falling asleep cuddled up to each other, smiling at each other first thing in the morning and having breakfast together. Some parents are very understanding and allow the boyfriend/girlfriend to spend the night at home. Others, however, are strictly against it. What does the law say?
Law – do parents have to allow it?
The bad news is that there is no law that obliges parents to let you stay overnight with your boyfriend/girlfriend. The good news: There is also no law that forbids parents to let you stay overnight with your boyfriend/girlfriend or to let your boyfriend/girlfriend stay overnight with you.
Sometimes parents argue that they would let the boyfriend/girlfriend stay over anyway, but unfortunately they are not allowed to. This is wrong! There is no law that forbids spending the night at the boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s house or letting him/her spend the night at home.
What is behind the ban?
- Fears
Parents often forbid sleepovers out of fear. They are often worried that you might sleep with someone too soon or without thinking and that this could lead to an unwanted pregnancy. Even though this is not really pleasant for many, your honesty is the main thing that helps here:
If it’s still too early for you to have sex, then have the courage to tell your parents honestly. If you have already thought about contraception, then tell your parents about it. Talk to them about why this sleepover is so important to you. When they see how responsible you are about the issue, they might change their mind about banning you!
- Cultural reasons
If your parents are generally against a sleepover or maybe even a relationship for cultural or religious reasons, it is quite difficult to argue. You can only try to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents (if they are “less strict”) to talk to your parents. Parents often find it much harder to sustain their arguments with other adults. Especially in cultures where hospitality is highly valued, you might have a good chance of doing this. Above all, the parents could agree among themselves that they will “look after” you, so to speak. Otherwise, you could try asking other adults from the same culture who are not so strict to put in a good word for you with your parents.
Reasons why parents don’t want you to stay with the boyfriend/girlfriend or he/she with you can be very different. To be able to argue and do something about the ban, you need to know what is behind it. Tell your parents that you at least want to know why they don’t allow it! Only then can you look for counter-arguments to change your parents’ minds.
TIP — “Better at home!”
Sometimes it is easier for parents to let your friend spend the night at your house instead of at his/her parents’ house. They feel that they have more control over what happens between you. Maybe you can use that as an argument, like, “We’ll be home all the time.”
There is nothing you can say that will change your parents’ minds. However, you are more likely to succeed if you argue than if you call your parents unfair or mean, even though you may feel that way at the time. Stay calm when arguing, so that it is often even more difficult for your parents to ban you.
TIP — Negotiation tips
- Be honest!
Tell your parents why you want it so much. This is more convincing than saying, “But I want to”. Above all, you might reach their hearts and they might change their minds.
- If you know or believe that your parents are banning you because of fears, then be honest about that too. Suggest that you have a sleepover at your house first, where they have more control, so to speak. Show them that they can rely on you and that you are also thinking about sexuality and contraception!
- If they are worried about what it will be like at your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents’ house, it often helps if you simply give them the parents’ phone number. Sometimes that alone is enough to show confidence and they don’t really call. And if they do, it might be a bit embarrassing, but on the other hand it also shows that they care what you want. Otherwise they would simply forbid it and not even think about it!
We wish you every success in “negotiating” with your parents.
What if the parents generally forbid a boyfriend/girlfriend?