Violence Has Many Faces

What is emotional violence? When do we speak of sexualized violence? How does violence manifest itself on the internet? Here you can find out about the different forms of violence.

When you think of violence, you might first think of beatings, physical violence or sexual assault. However, violent behavior does not always show up as bruises or swellings. Violence often starts insidiously, for example by being put down, ignored or controlled. This sometimes makes it difficult to recognise it from the beginning.

What is violence about?

Violence between people is often about someone being superior or having an advantage. The superiority is then used to achieve something that is unpleasant or harmful for the other person.

Different forms of violence

There are different forms of violence, e.g. physical violence, emotional violence (also called psychological violence) and sexual violence. Often different forms of violence also occur together.

Psychological or emotional violence

Psychological violence is often not so easy to recognise, but it is often just as painful as physical abuse.

You can recognise psychological violence:

When someone

• Intentionally frightens or intimidates you.
• Ignores you when you have a request (e.g. to punish you).
• Mocks you, devalues you or puts you down.
• Disregards your wishes
• pressurizes you, does not respect your boundaries
• gives you “cold-hot showers” (praises you to the skies and then ignores you)
• Emotionally blackmails you (“If you want to continue living here, then you do this and that…”)
• humiliates you, embarrasses you or makes you feel bad in front of others
• constantly controls you, insults you, threatens you or locks you up
• Takes advantage of his or her position of power, e.g. when parents disproportionately restrict you in relationships or friendships.

Physical violence

Physical violence is much easier to recognise. But here, too, the violence begins much earlier than is often thought. Physical violence does not start when injuries are seen.

Examples of physical violence:

• pushing away, pushing against the wall
• being held against one’s will
• pulling one’s hair
• slapping
• hitting, kicking
• choking
• any kind of physical injury

Sexual violence

Colloquially, we often speak of sexual violence. What is meant is that the boundaries in the area of sexuality are crossed. In sexuality, only what the participants themselves want is allowed! If someone does not keep to your “no”, no matter whether it is a matter of touching, an unpleasant come-on, and glances or insinuating remarks, this is already the beginning of sexualized violence.

Don’t let yourself be pushed

Sometimes you are not sure whether you want to have any kind of sexual contact with another person. The other person may try to persuade you or put pressure on you. But pushing and pressure do not go together with sexuality at all. It prevents you from enjoying it, from finding it beautiful or pleasurable and from feeling comfortable. Someone who likes you will take your feelings into consideration. He/she will also understand if you don’t want to do something or want to find out if something is right for you.

There are also legal regulations that govern what is allowed. Here you can find out how much you already know about them:

Did you know?

Girls and women are more likely to experience sexualized violence. But there are also many boys and men who have experienced sexualized violence. They too may feel hurt or powerless and want to confide in someone.

More on the topic of sexual assault against boys

Sexual abuse is when an adult or older adolescent is in contact with a child for sexual arousal or gratification. The perpetrator almost always takes advantage of a relationship of trust, dependence or power.

More on the topic of sexual abuse

Violence on the net

Violence does not only take place in direct contact. Some feel more anonymous on the internet or try to hide behind a fake profile to harass or harm someone. About one in three young people has been sexually harassed online, e.g. by unwanted pick-up lines or unwanted “dick pics” (penis pictures). There are also adult perpetrators who sexually harass children and young people online. This is called cyber-grooming.

More on the topic of sexual harassment online

Violence online is particularly hurtful when it happens “publicly” and those affected are exposed in front of many people. For example, cyber-bullying, when someone publishes untruths or unpleasant pictures, or when violent videos are shared on social networks. Hate postings are used to condemn and attack whole groups of people.

All these forms of online violence are clearly prohibited and there are ways to defend yourself against them. Here you can find out what you can do if you are affected:

Cyber-bullying

Violence in videos

Hate postings

Breaking the silence

If you have been affected by violence, you may simply be shocked, devastated or ashamed. This is especially true if you once trusted the person. You may be completely shocked and can’t believe that the person you once trusted is suddenly so mean. Nevertheless, it is important not to play down the behavior.

Confide in someone

You should talk to someone about it, even if someone threatens you and tells you not to talk about it. Many people threaten because they know exactly that what they are doing is not OK. Maybe it’s just good for you to hear what another person thinks about it.

We know that it is often anything but easy to talk about the violence that has been done to you for the first time. But we also know that talking is almost always a relief.

You can call or write to us anonymously at any time. You don’t have to tell us your name or where you are from. We don’t do anything you don’t want us to do. It is okay if you just want to talk or write about it. But if you already want concrete help, we can help you with that too!

We know the addresses of emergency shelters or counseling centers in your area, which we can give you at any time. If you want, we can also make the first contact together.

For further help and support  — Speak with a licensed therapist today.