What do you do if you are suddenly no longer in love with the other person? Ending a relationship is difficult for many people.
Most of us know it. At first he or she is the greatest person in the whole world. But often you realize after some time that the infatuation has faded very quickly. You would much rather spend your time alone again or with someone else. But you have no idea how to explain this to your friend. After all, you don’t want to hurt him/her.
Fear of hurting
Not wanting to hurt the other person is the most common wish, but unfortunately it is almost always unfulfilled. Break-ups always hurt, no matter how they happen. A break-up always triggers a grieving process, because you have to say goodbye to someone. But you can keep the pain in check.
This is the right way to handle it:
Say it at all
As strange as this may sound. The important thing is that you break up in the first place. Of course, telling someone that you no longer want to be in a relationship with him/her – for whatever reason – is not necessarily a task you rush into with great enthusiasm. You would much rather avoid it or send someone else ahead. Quite understandable, but also quite nasty. You’d probably rather hear from your friend when the relationship ends than have him/her just stop contacting you, wouldn’t you?
Many people are so afraid of ending a relationship that they just let it fizzle out. So they just don’t get in touch any more, they don’t have time for meetings for flimsy reasons, and so on. And no one really deserves that.
Also, suddenly behaving so terribly yourself that the other person can’t help but break up with you is not fair.
Be honest
The most important thing when breaking up is to be honest. Don’t tell fairy tales. Be upfront about why you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
Be sure to say why
Whether it’s because your feelings have changed, because you’ve fallen in love with someone else, because you’re super angry and hurt, or because you just want to be single. Just talk it out.
It’s always easier when you at least know why it’s over. It’s only fair to actually tell the truth so that the other person at least knows what’s going on. It is not uncommon for one of the two to break up out of the blue. Unsuspectingly, the ground is pulled out from under him/her. That hurts like hell. And he/she has a right to know why the partnership is over. Even if the truth stings him/her further, e.g. if you have fallen in love with someone else. At least the other person knows where he/she stands and can deal with the break-up much better. In addition, he/she can perhaps learn from possible mistakes in new relationships.
Say it gently
Show your new partner that you respect him/her by telling him/her the bitter truth as gently and carefully as possible. Refrain from any kind of name-calling. Just be matter-of-fact.
Say it personally
Be brave and try to talk to him/her in person. The other person does not deserve to be broken up with by phone or messenger. Facilitating the conversation is also a bit of a sign of respect for the other person. Letting friends deliver the negative message is also pretty mean. Even though it’s not the greatest job in the world, of course, the other person has earned a conversation. If you really don’t dare to say it in person, then you should at least give reasons for the out. It is very difficult when you are simply dumped and don’t know why or don’t get the chance to ask.
Say it in time
Don’t wait until everyone knows except your friend. Don’t let him/her find out from others by telling him/her as soon as possible after you have made the decision yourself.
What if he/she freaks out?
There are also relationships where you know very well that breaking up can also be dangerous for you. For example, if you are with someone and that person has become violent. If the possibility exists with your friend, then it is important that you protect yourself. In that case, it is okay to break up in writing so as not to expose yourself to danger. In this case, you can also take some kind of protection person with you to the conversation. This is really about protecting yourself first and foremost!
Hopefully you are now a little better prepared for what is truly not the greatest thing in the world.
We wish you the courage to be honest about your feelings.
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.