What does it actually mean to be faithful? Where does an infidelity begin? Find answers and tips here!
What does fidelity actually mean?
A quick answer to the question “What is fidelity?” would probably be “not cheating”. But fidelity can also mean much more. For example, that you stand by your partner, even when there are difficulties in the relationship and not everything is going as well as you would like.
Can anyone be faithful?
Sure, anyone can be faithful if they want to! Infidelity is not genetic. Neither in men nor in women. The reasons why someone becomes unfaithful are different. The often used excuse “the instincts were to blame for the infidelity” is really just an excuse. Because we learn to deal with and control our “urges” already in childhood. So we can decide for ourselves what we do and what we leave alone.
But it is also clear that sometimes it is not easy to be faithful. Especially when you may be missing some things in your own relationship.
Different understandings of fidelity
Everyone understands “fidelity” a little differently. That’s why it’s even more important to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend about this topic in good time! While for some people infidelity starts when their partner thinks about someone else, for example, during masturbation, others don’t mind a little “making out” at a party.
TIP:
Think together about what is OK and what is not OK in your relationship! (E.g. Is it OK to give boyfriends/girlfriends kisses on the mouth? Is it okay to flirt as long as there is no physical contact?)
Is only a faithful relationship a good relationship?
Not necessarily. For some people, physical fidelity is not the most important thing in a relationship. You can also choose to have a so-called “open relationship”. Only a few people are “suitable” for this kind of relationship. An “open relationship” can only work if both partners really want it (and e.g. don’t just agree in order not to lose the boyfriend/girlfriend) and very clear rules are set!
What helps to be faithful?
The longer a relationship lasts, the greater the trust and intimacy. The feeling of “belonging together” becomes stronger and stronger and gradually displaces the initial “butterflies” and the excited “tingling” on every date.
Sometimes, however, you wish for exactly these feelings back, you miss the excitement and tension. In such situations it makes sense to think about how you can bring more “action” back into your relationship (e.g. do something extraordinary; spoil your partner for a whole day, etc.).
At the same time, it is important to be clear about what you want and need and what you might be missing in your relationship. Together you can then think about what you can do to make your relationship work again so that both partners feel good!
TIP:
If you are on the verge of cheating on your partner, it would be good to think about whether it really pays off to jeopardize the trust and intimacy that have built up in the relationship for the sake of a short “kick”.
And if it does happen?
Here you will find tips on how to deal with it if fidelity doesn’t work out after all!
I was cheated – should I forgive?
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.