Forgiveness

Forgiveness is sometimes difficult, sometimes easy. What helps you to forgive when you find it difficult?

Everyday hobbies

Often you don’t think about when, to whom, if and what you forgive. For many things you forgive do not concern you personally and you gladly – almost automatically – accept an apology. For example, if someone accidentally pokes you in a crowd or the cashier drops your change. It is customary to apologize in such a case, even though it was neither intentional nor did any damage occur.

Unintentionally…

Things that affect you personally are more difficult to forgive. For example, if your mother accidentally washes your favorite jumper too hot, your little brother or sister spills juice on your homework or your friend forgets your birthday. These and similar things are annoying. Sometimes these situations lead to a fight. But is it worth it? After all, none of it is intentional. Basically, a quarrel often brings nothing but anger and pain.

Intentionally!

If someone does something to you, it is difficult to accept an apology. If someone willfully ruins something of yours, hurts you, insults you, etc. you are bound to be angry and may think at first that you don’t want to forgive that. But if the person sincerely asks for an apology, he/she has already realized his/her mistake and is sorry. If you find it difficult to forgive in this case, you can also ask for some time to think and/or calm down. Often it is easier to forgive after a night’s sleep over the matter.

How can you really forgive?

• Ask why the other person did what he/she did.
• Is the other person really sorry? How does his/her apology come across and what does your gut say?
• Is he/she making an effort to reconcile?
• Think about what outweighs the anger at the person or the desire for reconciliation.
• Think about what it was like when you made mistakes, how sorry you were and how relieving it was when your apology was accepted. It is not for nothing that it is said that one learns from mistakes.

What is the point of forgiving?

• Not forgiving not only punishes the other person(s), but often also you, because you lose a friend’.
• Being able to forgive shows strength because you are in control of the decision.
• Accepting an apology can free you from the anger of what happened.
• Forgiveness clears the mind because it also means being able to let go of negative thoughts and feelings that revolve around what happened.

Hardship

It is also okay if you cannot forgive something! The important thing is to think about whether you want to forgive a person or not. Do you realize that accepting an apology is something you are completely reluctant to do, do you really not want to have anything more to do with the person, and do you think that you can only clear your head if you close the matter completely? Then listen to your gut feeling. It’s your decision.

Special case: cheating

For further help and support  — Speak with a licensed therapist today.