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“It’s over.” Most of the time this news hits you like a slap in the face. Yesterday everything seemed perfect and today it’s over and done with. A shock.
Unfortunately, hardly anyone is spared heartbreak. Feelings can change and even a great love can come to an end. And the worst thing is that it hurts anew every time. There is no getting used to it and there is no miracle cure that will simply make the heartbreak go away. Perhaps you too have had this experience. The relationship is over and you fall into a deep hole. Many of us would like to just hide away. And that’s okay for a while.
The beginning is hard
It’s normal to think you’re the unhappiest and poorest person in the world at first. It’s okay to withdraw. The important thing is that you allow your feelings. Scream, cry, rant if you feel like it. Just let out your sadness and anger. Everything is okay as long as you don’t direct your anger at yourself! Because then you would only cause yourself more harm and pain!
Just let your friends or family hug you. You will see that it frees you and makes you feel better. Even if it only lasts for a short time at the beginning. Cuddle up to your pet, let your feelings run free with music. If you just swallow the frustration, it will hit you at another time, because then you will only repress your feelings. Just “thinking it away” doesn’t work.
Talk about it
For many people, just having someone to talk to is a great support. Someone you can tell everything to. Maybe there is a friend, an older sibling or even your parents to whom you can get all your frustrations off your chest. They will listen to you and try to help and support you as much as possible. Sometimes forums where other young people report what has helped them can also be motivating. You can read that they have done it too.
Draw a line
When you’re with someone and it’s suddenly over, at first you can’t imagine that you’ll ever get better. But as bad as it is, at some point you make it through this difficult time. In order to get better, you have to accept that the relationship is over. As long as you comfort yourself with the thought that maybe you will get back together, you are not on the road to recovery. Often, conscious closure rituals help to create a final farewell to the ex-relationship.
TIP:
Rituals for saying goodbye
- Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and tie it up. Then put it in a place where it won’t constantly catch your eye.
- Or simply put everything that weighs on you on paper. Write down what you think about your ex. You can then ceremoniously burn the letter or throw it into a river and thus free yourself from old ballast.
- Sometimes a goodbye can be ending a friendship on Facebook, unfollowing someone on Instagram or deleting their number from your mobile phone.
Negative list
If you just can’t get your ex out of your head, you can make a list on which you write down all the negative qualities. Often you idealise your ex after a break-up. By making such a list, you consciously remember the not so nice moments of the relationship and thus gain distance. As soon as the heartbreak hits you again, you simply take the “negative list”.
No revenge
Refrain from revenge. This usually only creates more problems for you. For example, if you send embarrassing videos or photos, you could even be punished. Also, if you badmouth him/her on social media, this can reflect negatively on you. If you still want to feel like you can vent your anger, you can simply deface old photos of your ex for yourself. Or do exactly what your ex has always found most annoying about you.
Activity
Remember, the more you do now, the less you think about your heartbreak. So get active. Meet up with friends, go to the cinema, do sports, let off steam on the console or simply dance your heart out. In time, activities will become fun again. Friends can also be very helpful at this time if they simply “force” you to do something. Let them persuade you.
Some people find it helpful to simply chat with others on the internet and exchange ideas, or to look in forums to see how others are dealing with their heartbreak. Make sure you find forums where others tell you how they have managed to overcome heartbreak.
Forums can have a positive effect and give you courage, but they can also increase despair, for example, if they only talk about negative things. You should stay away from such forums, after all, you are looking for something that will improve your situation and not actively make it worse.
Benefit from experience!
Even though you probably don’t feel like flirting or getting into a new relationship at the moment, don’t despair. Sooner or later a nice guy/girl will cross your path and you can benefit from your old experiences. Keep your eyes open.
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.