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You fall madly in love, but the other person doesn’t want to know anything about you. Many know this feeling. Does it still make sense to fight and keep trying? You can find the answers here.
You can’t influence who you fall in love with and when. It just happens. Unfortunately, love does not take into account whether both parties are in love. Often the feelings are reciprocated by the other person, but that is not always the case. Being unhappily in love or even being rejected is somehow part of love.
When your feelings are not returned, it hurts a lot and it takes some time to get over it.
Sometimes you don’t want to admit that there is no chance. However, you can’t force someone’s feelings on them. If you keep at it, you prolong the time when you don’t feel well.
TIP — When fighting makes no sense
- The girl/guy you are in love with has told you herself that she doesn’t want to be with you. That’s tough, but now you know where you stand.
- “You just have to keep trying, eventually it will work out.” Unfortunately, that’s not how it works in love. If you have been rejected several times by the same person, then you should also accept that this person does not want to be with you. Feelings can’t just be “summoned”! Maybe someone has already fallen in love with you without you having returned the feelings. If you put yourself in that situation, then you know yourself that even frequent asking has no effect, except that you eventually get on the person’s nerves.
- If the person is taken and also stands by his/her partner, then there is no point in trying any further.
- In love with your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend: If the friendship is important to you and you don’t want to jeopardize it, this is a good idea: Hands off.
- Your crush is a celebrity you only know from afar.
Okay, in these situations there is no point in fighting, but it is often worth fighting for your crush!
TIP — When fighting makes sense
But when is it worth fighting even harder for your crush? To find out, it makes sense to consider how you think you know that your crush doesn’t like you. The more speculation you engage in, the more worthwhile it is to try to get closer to him/her.
- So far you have only “adored” your crush from a distance and have not had any real contact with him/her. But since he/she doesn’t approach you, ignores you on Instagram &Co or doesn’t contact you via WhatsApp, you think that he/she doesn’t like you. Without having made the person you are in love with aware of you, you can’t know what he/she thinks about you! Especially if you are rather insecure yourself, the feeling that he/she doesn’t like me can be the cause of this insecurity. Maybe you can summon up all your courage and just say “hello” or ask for their name. You could also send a friend request or a follow request on social media.
- Your crush makes comments about you. On reflection, your friends will tell you back that they don’t feel that the comments are mean. Especially boys, but also girls who are shy or insecure and in love, often see teasing each other as the only way to get close to their crush. Maybe you’ve heard the saying: “What loves, teases.” Especially in the summer in the swimming pool, for example, if someone keeps trying to dunk you, it doesn’t have to be meant badly. It can also be an attempt to make contact with you. If this is the case with your crush, ask your friends how they feel about the comments. Are they just meant to be funny or is someone really mean?
- You hear from someone you don’t even know very well that your crush doesn’t want to have anything to do with you. You shouldn’t rely on that! Find out for yourself if it’s true.
- Your crush keeps looking at you, likes almost all your photos on Instagram, but doesn’t ask you if you want to be with him or if you want to hang out. It’s still often said that only guys can approach girls. But guys are just as insecure as girls and often don’t dare to make the first move. So if you have the feeling that your crush likes you, then go ahead and make the first move.
These are just a few examples of when it might still make sense to fight for your crush or when you’re only hurting yourself. Here you can find some more tips on how to find out if your crush likes you.
But what if it’s clear that the person you’ve fallen in love with really doesn’t want to be with you? The feelings don’t go away from one day to the next. You are disappointed and hurt. These tips can help you to gradually get more and more distance.
TIP — No chance – what can you do?
The first step towards getting more distance is to accept that there is no chance. It sounds strange, but it’s actually true. Observe yourself: If you keep hoping, you can’t get better, because then you keep hurting yourself. Hopes always lead to new disappointments. Maybe you should write down why you have come to the conclusion that there is no more hope. And when you have a day when you realize that you are thinking about whether it might work out after all, take the piece of paper.
Actively shape your day. Especially when you are unhappily in love, you tend to sit around inactively and wallow in your thoughts or surf the net after your crush. It is important to force yourself to do something, to meet with friends, to draw, to write, to do sports … The more active you are, the more likely you are to meet new people or simply have a fun experience. And so the unhappy love can fade a little more into the background every day.
Sport in particular is a way to banish negative feelings. Exercising releases the body’s own happiness hormones and also boosts your self-confidence.
Openly approach people you don’t know yet. A new acquaintance with whom you can simply have fun will also help you get over disappointment. However, it is necessary to go to places where you can make new acquaintances, e.g. swimming pools, clubs, cinemas, sports grounds, concerts etc.
For further help and support — Speak with a licensed therapist today.