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Valentine’s Day may be that romantic and cool holiday for some, but it is just as normal for others to have complicated feelings associated with it. Singles may feel lonely or frustrated, those healing from heartbreak may fall into grief, and those in undefined relationships face uncertainty about how to handle the day. These feelings are valid and more widespread than social media would have you believe.
While Valentine’s Day carries feelings of isolation for those without a traditional romantic partnership to celebrate, one can reconceptualize the holiday as an opportunity for self-compassion and personal connection. Whether you are single, heartbroken, or in a complicated situation, find evidence-based strategies that will help you make it through February 14th in a way that honors where you are while continuing to protect your mental health.
Valentine’s Day When You’re Single: The Pressure Nobody Talks About
Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t just about turning down social invitations. It’s not just about being alone on one designated romantic holiday out of a whole year. Being single on Valentine’s Day is about the prevailing cultural ideology that casts Valentine’s Day as a referendum on the worth of individuals. It’s being witness to the way people connect with one another around this time of year.
The thing no one’s telling you? Being single isn’t defined by lack, incompleteness, or delays. You’re a whole individual with a full life, and your singleness does not detract from this status whatsoever. One day becomes a non-issue when your self-worth isn’t defined by whether or not someone gave you flowers on Valentine’s Day.
If you are single by choice, own it. If you are single but wish you weren’t single, that’s perfectly valid as well. Your feelings of happiness with your single status and the feelings of wanting someone to share those moments with you can coexist. The idea that you must be utterly content with your alone status before you “deserve” love is purely false.
Valentine’s Day When You’re Heartbroken: When It Feels Like Salt in the Wound
Last year on Valentine’s Day, you had someone. However, today you do not. Valentine’s Day is now a day when everything seems to pain you even more because you are heartbroken. The couples who hold hands seem too personal. The love songs on the radio seem to be mocking your pain.
Okay, let’s set the record straight here. There is no timeline for healing. If it’s been weeks or months since you’re crying over a person, that does not make you weak; that makes you someone who cared greatly, and that does not stop just because it’s been a week.
Allow yourself permission to have whatever emotions arise. If you need to cry, cry. If you need a day away from social media, fine. But at the same time, do not let this one day interfere with your journey of healing. Valentine’s Day is one day. It will be over when the clock strikes midnight. Your heart will not hurt like this forever.
Valentine’s Day When It’s Complicated: “What Even Are We?” Valentine’s Day
Perhaps you’re talking to someone, but that isn’t exactly official. Perhaps you’re in a situationship that resists such definitions. Definition is required on Valentine’s Day, and definitions have to be drawn on relationships that exist because of their undefineability. Now, you have to consider whether you acknowledge the holiday and what it might mean when your partner doesn’t mention it to you.
The intricate relationship thrives in ambiguity, and Valentine’s Day is the least ambiguous day of the year. It requires definition if you’ve learned to avoid it. Here’s what you need to hear: your situation deserves definition. If Valentine’s Day has uncovered anxiety related to your undefined relationship, your anxiety is providing valuable information. The kind of person who will be around for the long haul isn’t a person who makes you question their acknowledgment of your existence on a day supposedly centered on it.
How to Actually Survive Valentine’s Day , Regardless of Your Status
Curate Your Experience
You don’t need to celebrate Valentine’s Day if you don’t want to. Unfollow accounts that will make you feel terrible. Don’t watch romantic comedies or places that are populated by couples in love. You can curate your experiences as you want them.
Reframe The Day
There’s no need for Valentine’s Day to be limited to romantic love. Focus on the people who do love you and celebrate those relationships. Send your friends messages of appreciation. Treat yourself to something good too. Reframe what the day means to you.
Make Plans That Feel Good
While it’s a good idea not to be home alone if that will get you down, it’s not a good idea to feel obligated to do “anti-Valentine’s Day” things if that makes you feel bitter. Do whatever feels good, even if that means a movie marathon, dinner with friends, or simply ignoring it.
Process Your Feelings
If you’re feeling sad, lonely, or grief-stricken due to Valentine’s Day, don’t squash it down. Write in a journal about it. Reach out to someone who can relate. Book an appointment with Blueroomcare if you need help dealing with these emotions rising up. Your emotions have worth!
Remember It’s Just One Day
It is important to realize that February 14th will eventually end, the postings will cease, the decorations will be taken down, and on February 15th, you will be just as deserving of respect as you were on February 13th.
Takeaway
Whatever your status; single, heartbroken, or in-between, single, and confused, Valentine’s Day sometimes feels like proof you’re behind, and every single person in the world has exactly what you’re supposed to be acquiring. But don’t let comparisons and social media fool you. There are couples out there who are struggling, but you know nothing about them.
Your current relationship status is not a reflection of what your future holds. Being single this Valentine’s Day does not mean you will be single the next one. Being heartbroken now does not mean you will not heal. Being in a complicated situation does not mean you will never gain clarity.
Love runs on its own schedule, and it rarely, if ever, cooperates with arbitrary calendar dates. Be gentle with yourself on Valentine’s Day. Acknowledge what’s hard without letting it define you. And remember: the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself.
You’ll be just fine. Valentine’s Day will, too, pass. And whether you are single, heartbroken, or complicated now, you remain deserving of love, most especially your very own.
- Need support? Start your care journey by booking a confidential therapy session and accessing daily journaling and wellness check-ins through the Blueroomcare App.
- Looking for more guidance? Explore our blog for more mental health tips.
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